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Anniversaries
Mar. 12th, 2024 05:26 amCW: brief talk of ableism and forced dormancy.
Although we're a few days late due to how messy front has been recently, it is, roughly speaking, Lilac's 2 year anniversary. While we aren't entirely sure of the date she first specifically fronted, we remember that March 10th, 2022, was one of the first — as such, it's when we've decided to celebrate her formation anniversary.
Similarly, the 11th marked 6 months since Louie and Alan entered a formal relationship, which was one of our first official, formal in-system relationships. While their relationship is not mine to speak on, I can speak to the importance it has had to us as a collective, as well as the importance that Lilac has had. That is what I intend to do in this post.
I am sure near any and all that would ever read this post would already be familiar enough with our history, but I want to give context to emphasise the importance of these two anniversaries. Years ago, about this time, in 2018, we worked out we were a system. It was a messy process — one that began in September of 2017, one that involved multiple therapists. We told someone we dearly loved about this realisation, and they were so caught up in how uncomfortable it made them due to past negative experiences that they told us they would not be with us were we truly a system. So we decided we would no longer be one.
This was, of course, ineffective. Ignoring the problem does not remove it — but it does make it quieter. Although we talked to some about our plurality over the proceeding years, mostly close friends, and even finally had an outlet to express our experiences through writing original characters with our friends, we were not truly open until Lilac.
Lilac first fronted, to my knowledge, on the 10th of March, 2022. She was the first to front openly around someone in person — our roommate at the time. She was the first to express herself earnestly and excitedly as an individual separate from Mikk. She was the first to reject the idea that we all had to assimilate or hide. She was the first of us to appear after 2018 — a breath of fresh air, a new gust of wind under our wings.
For the rest of 2022 however, Lilac was largely absent. Mikk lost contact with the system altogether in July, due likely to inconsistently taking his medication and being locked into a near permanent state of dissociation. We went off of our medication altogether in early 2023, joined the Milgram fandom, and began talking to people. Lilac once again pushed forth, determined to express itself, to be popular and loved and twitter, to be seen, to be witnessed — something none of us had ever felt possible, let alone safe.
Lilac helped reclaim femininity too. She truly reclaimed all the things that Mikk felt he couldn't "own" or accept about himself. She burned bright and brilliantly, fronting only for short periods of time, but being the first to front nonetheless. While myao is rarely around nowadays, beyond input from the headspace, I will always deeply appreciate what it did for us. I think all of us will.
Lilac couldn't front on her birthday, and neither Alan nor Louie could front on their anniversary. That's the nature of being an open system — one that Mikk has lamented recently. You have little control over who you are or when. I believe it's important to be yourself authentically, even if that authentic self can make it difficult to connect with others. It likewise makes those connections you do have all the more important, and I am deeply thankful for those close to us, especially the other systems. We could not survive without you all.
I believe Alan and Louie's relationship was pretty important to us as a collective, too. They were the first to embrace the idea of loving one another — even if Alan had always shown Mikk buckets of love, Mikk struggled most to accept this, thanks to a lot of ableist precedents he's internalised and not yet managed to work through. Alan and Louie connected as individuals. They set a standard of love, care, and partnership; of supporting one another, getting through difficult times together, and are a testament to how we will always be stronger together.
I love us. I love everyone, and I am so happy we are where we are. I am relieved to let go of my anger, my resentment, my fear and my hurt, and simply be us. I am unendingly grateful to Lilac, Louie and Alan for all they have done, and saddened that they cannot reap the rewards of what they've sown as readily as we'd like. But that's the nature of our existence — and so long as we exist, their love will live on within us. We can only go forward and grow in love.
~ Riveria R. Moon.
Although we're a few days late due to how messy front has been recently, it is, roughly speaking, Lilac's 2 year anniversary. While we aren't entirely sure of the date she first specifically fronted, we remember that March 10th, 2022, was one of the first — as such, it's when we've decided to celebrate her formation anniversary.
Similarly, the 11th marked 6 months since Louie and Alan entered a formal relationship, which was one of our first official, formal in-system relationships. While their relationship is not mine to speak on, I can speak to the importance it has had to us as a collective, as well as the importance that Lilac has had. That is what I intend to do in this post.
I am sure near any and all that would ever read this post would already be familiar enough with our history, but I want to give context to emphasise the importance of these two anniversaries. Years ago, about this time, in 2018, we worked out we were a system. It was a messy process — one that began in September of 2017, one that involved multiple therapists. We told someone we dearly loved about this realisation, and they were so caught up in how uncomfortable it made them due to past negative experiences that they told us they would not be with us were we truly a system. So we decided we would no longer be one.
This was, of course, ineffective. Ignoring the problem does not remove it — but it does make it quieter. Although we talked to some about our plurality over the proceeding years, mostly close friends, and even finally had an outlet to express our experiences through writing original characters with our friends, we were not truly open until Lilac.
Lilac first fronted, to my knowledge, on the 10th of March, 2022. She was the first to front openly around someone in person — our roommate at the time. She was the first to express herself earnestly and excitedly as an individual separate from Mikk. She was the first to reject the idea that we all had to assimilate or hide. She was the first of us to appear after 2018 — a breath of fresh air, a new gust of wind under our wings.
For the rest of 2022 however, Lilac was largely absent. Mikk lost contact with the system altogether in July, due likely to inconsistently taking his medication and being locked into a near permanent state of dissociation. We went off of our medication altogether in early 2023, joined the Milgram fandom, and began talking to people. Lilac once again pushed forth, determined to express itself, to be popular and loved and twitter, to be seen, to be witnessed — something none of us had ever felt possible, let alone safe.
Lilac helped reclaim femininity too. She truly reclaimed all the things that Mikk felt he couldn't "own" or accept about himself. She burned bright and brilliantly, fronting only for short periods of time, but being the first to front nonetheless. While myao is rarely around nowadays, beyond input from the headspace, I will always deeply appreciate what it did for us. I think all of us will.
Lilac couldn't front on her birthday, and neither Alan nor Louie could front on their anniversary. That's the nature of being an open system — one that Mikk has lamented recently. You have little control over who you are or when. I believe it's important to be yourself authentically, even if that authentic self can make it difficult to connect with others. It likewise makes those connections you do have all the more important, and I am deeply thankful for those close to us, especially the other systems. We could not survive without you all.
I believe Alan and Louie's relationship was pretty important to us as a collective, too. They were the first to embrace the idea of loving one another — even if Alan had always shown Mikk buckets of love, Mikk struggled most to accept this, thanks to a lot of ableist precedents he's internalised and not yet managed to work through. Alan and Louie connected as individuals. They set a standard of love, care, and partnership; of supporting one another, getting through difficult times together, and are a testament to how we will always be stronger together.
I love us. I love everyone, and I am so happy we are where we are. I am relieved to let go of my anger, my resentment, my fear and my hurt, and simply be us. I am unendingly grateful to Lilac, Louie and Alan for all they have done, and saddened that they cannot reap the rewards of what they've sown as readily as we'd like. But that's the nature of our existence — and so long as we exist, their love will live on within us. We can only go forward and grow in love.
~ Riveria R. Moon.
